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Supporting your child through body image concerns can feel overwhelming. As a parent, you might look back on moments when you made unkind comments about your own body or encouraged your child to choose an apple over a "junk food.” It’s natural to feel guilt and wonder if you’re the root of your child’s struggles.
Please know that you are not to blame for these challenges. Your child is exposed to pervasive messages about Body Image from various sources - at school, among friends, through social media, and even from grocery store labels that promote and promise weight loss. These messages shape their perceptions from a young age, and questions begin to arise such as “Why is the plus-size section separate from the other clothes?”
Harmful and often misleading beliefs about weight and appearance are perpetually reinforced in our environment. However, by reading this blog, you are already taking meaningful steps to support your child, and your commitment to their well-being is one of their greatest sources of strength, as you navigate this journey. It’s okay to feel confused; understanding these complex emotions takes time and patience. Your dedication and love are vital as you work through these challenges together.
Fostering Open Communication and Providing Nonjudgmental Support
Body image concerns can be deeply personal and often lead children to suffer in silence, weighed down by feelings of shame and guilt (Kaushik, 2016). It is vital that your child feels a strong sense of openness in their communication with you, and that they trust you enough to be fully transparent. Establishing a supportive and nonjudgmental environment is crucial for these conversations.
For instance, if your child confides in you that they have started counting calories, your initial reaction might be one of fear and concern. It is natural to feel alarmed and want to shield your child from harm. However, it's important to approach the situation with sensitivity rather than imposing rules, expressing anger, or becoming emotionally overwhelmed, which could create emotional distance. Instead, focus on validating their feelings and demonstrating compassion. Acknowledge their struggle with a response like, “That sounds really difficult,” and ask how you can best support them. Your understanding and encouragement will help maintain a trusting relationship and create a safe space for your child to express their concerns.
Educate Yourself
Before approaching your child about seeking help or expressing your concerns, it is crucial that you educate yourself as thoroughly as possible. Children struggling with body image often experience denial and may not fully recognize the extent and impact of the behaviours they utilize (e.g., Phillips, 2017). For instance, your child may check their appearance in reflective surfaces throughout the day, a seemingly harmless behaviour. However, this behaviour helps to perpetuate and exacerbate weight and shape concerns (e.g., Dakanalis et al., 2015).
Their current mindset may be clouded by distorted perceptions and limited awareness. By gaining a solid understanding yourself, you can engage in conversations with greater clarity and specificity, helping your child see beyond their distorted views and reconnect with reality.
Language Matters
If your child is currently struggling with body image issues, they might be overly focused or preoccupied by their appearance. Even well-intentioned comments such as "you look healthy" can inadvertently reinforce the idea that weight and appearance are the most important aspects of their identity. Instead, try offering compliments that focus on their talents, achievements, and personal qualities rather than their appearance. Encourage them to develop a positive self-image that goes beyond physical attributes.
Additionally, children who struggle with body image can start to question, "What is wrong with me?" This can lead them to internalize shame and stigma, which negatively impacts their self-esteem and self-efficacy. Language plays a significant role in this process. The stigma associated with body image issues can deeply affect how a child perceives themselves (Kaushik et al., 2016).
Consider for a moment if someone told you that you were short, you likely wouldn’t try to change it because height is a fixed attribute. Similarly, when children are told there is something inherently wrong with them, they may feel like they have an unchangeable flaw, making them less likely to attempt change. It’s important to foster a positive and accepting environment that helps children build confidence and self-worth without internalizing harmful mental health stigma.
Creating Boundaries
If you notice that a family member discusses your child's weight or food intake, it’s important to establish clear boundaries. Politely but firmly communicate to this relative that such topics are not appropriate to discuss in front of your child, prioritizing their well-being and fostering a more supportive environment. Throughout the recovery process, you may even realize that you need to create boundaries with even your closest friends and family. This can be intimidating but remember that the people who truly care for your child, will make these changes and respect your families’ boundaries.
Prioritizing Self-Care
While it may sound like a cliché, taking care of yourself is not negotiable throughout this challenging journey. As a parent, you may find yourself shouldering numerous responsibilities: transporting your child to appointments, covering the costs of their sessions, taking time off work, and managing the emotional weight of their struggles. This combination of demands can lead to emotional overwhelm and even burnout.
Burnout is often associated with irritability and anger. This reaction is a natural attempt by your body to protect itself, but it can put a strain on your relationship with your child. Furthermore, your child observes and learns from how you handle stress. Prioritizing your own mental health and well-being is not only essential for your own sake but also creates a healthier environment for your child, encouraging them to take care of themselves as well. By doing so, you are not only replenishing your own strength but also modeling the importance of self-care to your child.
References
Dakanalis, A., Carrà, G., Timko, A., Volpato, C., Pla-Sanjuanelo, J., Zanetti, A., Clerici, M., & Riva, G. (2015). Mechanisms of influence of body checking on binge eating. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 15(2), 93–104. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijchp.2015.03.003
Kaushik, A., Kostaki, E., & Kyriakopoulos, M. (2016). The stigma of mental illness in children and adolescents: A systematic review. Psychiatry Research, 243, 469–494. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2016.04.042
Phillips, K. A. (2017). Body dysmorphic disorder in children and adolescents. Oxford Medicine Online. https://doi.org/10.1093/med/9780190254131.003.0014
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