Forgiveness Is a Gift you give Yourself.
Why Forgiveness Matters More During the Holidays
Let’s be real, the holidays can be A LOT. There’s the food, the family, the chaos, the casseroles. And if you’re someone who leans toward high-achieving, perfectionist, people pleasing tendencies (hello, welcome to the club), the pressure can feel like too much. Between managing food guilt, calming anxious thoughts, and trying to wrap it all up with a glittery bow, the holidays can resurface things you thought you’d buried a long time ago.
Especially when those things show up in the form of a relative at your dinner table.
If you catch yourself rehearsing conversations in the shower, dreading who might say what, or secretly hoping someone doesn’t show up this year, you’re definitely not alone. And that tension? It’s often about more than just awkward small talk.
It’s about resentment and not forgiving!
Before you roll your eyes, hear me out, I’m not here to give you a lecture on “forgive and forget.” That’s not helpful. This isn’t about pretending things didn’t hurt. This is about YOU feeling lighter.
What Forgiveness Actually Means (Spoiler: It’s Not Letting Them Off the Hook)
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean calling up that person to make peace. And it definitely doesn’t mean sitting around the holiday table pretending nothing ever happened.
What it does mean is giving yourself permission to stop carrying the emotional weight of something that hurt you. It’s about choosing not to let resentment or pain keep looping on repeat in your mind. It’s a release. And it’s for YOU!
For so many of my clients, especially those struggling with disordered eating, anxiety, and perfectionism, that emotional load turns inward. You might start blaming yourself, holding yourself to impossible standards, or feeling like you’re not allowed to let go.
Forgiveness says – actually, you are!
Yes, This Even Ties Into Food Guilt
I know, I know. How does forgiveness have anything to do with what’s on your plate?
But here’s the thing, food guilt isn’t just about food. It’s often tied up in deeper stuff like the shame, unmet expectations, or old beliefs about worthiness and control. Maybe you’re still carrying a comment someone made years ago. Maybe you’ve internalized a story about needing to “make up” for what you eat.
Practicing forgiveness here means giving yourself grace. Forgiving your body for not matching some made up ideal. Forgiving yourself for how you coped when things were hard. Even forgiving the people who shaped your beliefs around food and worth (without excusing their behavior).
When you let go of that emotional baggage, food becomes just… food. And that’s when freedom starts.
When They’re Not Sorry (and You’re Not Getting an Apology)
Let’s talk about one of the biggest hurdles… waiting for someone else to acknowledge what happened.
If you’re hoping for an apology, some magical moment of closure, or even just basic accountability, I get it. But sometimes, the apology doesn’t come. And if we keep waiting on it to move forward, we stay stuck.
One thing I often ask clients is: What do you imagine feeling once you get that apology?
Usually it’s things like peace, validation, or clarity. The truth is, you can start creating those feelings for yourself without needing anything from them. That’s what makes forgiveness powerful. It gives the power back to you!
So How Do You Actually Start Forgiving (Without Faking It)?
First off, it’s okay if forgiveness doesn’t feel natural or warm and fuzzy right away. That’s not the goal. You don’t have to fake it or force it.
Here are some ways to gently begin:
Name what happened. Be real with yourself about what hurt and why. You don’t have to justify it or shrink it.
Check in on the cost. How has holding onto this pain impacted your energy, your joy, your relationships?
Look at the story. Are there beliefs you’ve picked up along the way, like “I have to be perfect to be loved” or “I can’t trust anyone”?
Ask who you want to be. Regardless of what they did, who do you want to be now?
Forgiveness isn’t one and done. It might be something you revisit again and again. That’s normal.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Feel Lighter This Season
If the holidays bring up stress, tension, or old pain, you’re human.
Forgiveness is one way to set something down and make more room for the peace, clarity, and joy you DO want this time of year.
It doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay. It means deciding that you are okay, and worthy of feeling better.
If you want support in navigating the holidays, whether it’s food stuff, anxious thoughts, or family dynamics that make you want to hide under a blanket, we’re here!
Let’s make this season feel a little more like yours.
